Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Some good feelings gone?

I remember many years back I like reading novels and magazines as my past time. Once I got a hold of a juicy magazine or soul searching novel, I will feel the excitement and eagerness to finish the whole book or magazine right there and then. I will find myself drowning in word by word on whatever that I am reading and unexpectedly shut out the world around me and just left me alone with the stories playing in my head. But now, when I got myself a magazine (not as often as once a month anymore) or there are tons of novels waiting for me to finish, I found that I have lost those feelings of excitement and eagerness like a child hunger for knowledge and waiting to be fed. The feeling of accomplishment and fullness once I have finish reading a novel is also gone too. Now I feel mostly is just another thing that I have done to fill up my time or just for the sake of finishing what I have started on reading in. I wonder where goes all those good feeling that I have on the things that I like, like reading. I remember when I was still schooling, I would go to rent novels to read during holiday break with my dear friend LY. One book of novel would usually takes me 2-3 days to finish. One book of magazine would usually takes me 2 days to finish (when I read mag, I really read it page by page very seldom missing any articles on it). Now it takes me longer time to finish anything that I have started on reading. Unless it's a long holiday and I really have nothing else to do.

I also remember what I like most about shopping and just go window shopping either alone or with someone else. It was great having the feeling of happiness and stress free moment just stepping into a shopping mall. Yes, I definately remember I usually go to shopping mall just for the sake of walking as a part of exercise rutine and to release stress. It does well to me in releasing stress. Or if I am sad and down, I would go there to cheer myself up not really by buying things but just by walking around looking at things to clear my mind. However, now when I step into a shopping mall it did not gives me the same effect as it did before. Last time, I thought I can rely on going to shopping mall to release stress throughout my life long journey. But it no longer work now because those good feelings that I have doing just that is somehow gone too.

I wonder what happen along the way that I have lost those good feelings in my life. You can say those 2 things I mention above, are my interest. And they still are, just the level and amount of interest fall off somewhere. Maybe because of having too many bad experience during shopping mall trip with that someone. I can remember how much I hate it then, where I only get very little time to enjoy the time out to release stress or do some shopping and there's someone there to keep on hurrying you with those angry face and attitude even before you started browsing and it hurts to know the reason behind it. And I promise myself not to torture myself doing shopping with that person again.

Some of the joyful feelings that I had in doing those things that I enjoy doing had gone. But I hope that some day in the future, those good feelings will come crawling back to my life once again. And hope it stays that way until my time here ends.

3 comments:

stubborn-daydreamer said...

hoho, i still remember when u used to take the bus downtown and back home just for the ride...yea hate it when people treat shopping like it's a chore. Anyway I go shopping alone most of the time since few years ago. It's fun don't u think? hehehee...other than having compatible shopping partners, shopping alone feels really good!

Amy said...

Speaking of shopping moment, i also dislike someone rushing you and do alot body language to make you feel that he is really get bored of shopping.. very frustating isn't it? I perfer go shopping alone or find someone really into shopping mood one..

Amidrin said...

Yea, I much prefer shopping alone or go together with someone who are really into shopping too. The best shopping partner I have so far is my sister...hehehe....