Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Few days to Christmas

I could not imagine how fast this day has arrived. A moment ago I was just dilly-dally about in my daily mundane chores and the next thing I know, it is just few days to Christmas! I am recalling what I have been doing for the past 3 weeks and all I could remember is the thought of me calming myself down having the need to think of Christmas preparations and plans, but I kept putting it off because it was still a long way to go. Oh no, it's not that long way to go now.

Amid my lack of excitement and slowness to get things executed the way it should be, I am glad that at least I have the preparation part almost completely done in such a short period of time. But now just left the panning part which has not move an inch towards becoming a plan yet. I am disappointed that for the past recent years, Christmas as a joyous occasion has become somewhat dull and uneventful for me (except 2 years ago that we had Christmas party at home). Even more so disappointed that I could not do anything to change that important person's perspectives on the importance of Christmas.

I have previously had experienced a very wonderful Christmas, full of life, joy, love, hope, peace and it was all fruitful and merry. The feeling is like I am in cloud nine. Well, that was many, many years ago. Thinking about it just put tears in my eyes. Where has all those goodness gone to? When has it become dull, unhappy, couple with some turmoil follow up with some hear-braking moment, uneventful and lack of meaningful time spend and the day glide away just like that? Oh, how I wish all the wonderful moments could just stay a little longer, just enough for me to appreciate it during that time and warn me of the foolish mistakes that I was about to make. This reminds me of Blue Christmas, a song sung by Celine Dion.

Rambling, rambling, rambling.... that's all I am doing all these while by myself just before Christmas. What more better things that would be coming my way soon, I wonders. Well, the good thing is after much grumbling, I have finally put up the Christmas tree all by myself yesterday night. Well, I do not know why I felt reluctant to do it this year and I am all grumpy about it when mom pester to had it done. And I have had some Christmas gifts prepared and Christmas would not feel like Christmas without a Christmas tree! This, I have finally agree and made a point out of it. So from now onwards, I would most probably be setting up a Christmas tree every year without much hesitations. Oh! I might also post up a picture of the Christmas tree I set up at home once I had it capture on the camera.

It's few days to Christmas..... Will things turns out fun and lovely for Christmas this year? Or will it be yet another blue blue Christmas? Perhaps, I should start making it fun no matter how that special someone oppose to what I plan to do, and let the turmoil runs and heart break sets in until the fun part takes over everything? I have no more vibrant energy to go through all that again as it has been many times ago. Sigh.... What to do? Perhaps, I should just keep on rambling to myself until I forgets or pretends nothing ever happen.


Lemonjude said...

I just hate this kind of festive nostalgia too. We are so care to celebrate with those we loved but always not happen as the way it should be.

Somehow when we are place in a fun event, our heart is not that fun and happy actually. The missing part could be we are not celebrating and share the joy together.

Like what you say pretend lorr...well don't think too much..let go it and be easy to yourself...

Tot's Mom said...

Take it easy. If we learn to let go and have less attachment, perhaps things would be easier and happier. ANyway, Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!