Last day of 2007

Reflecting back on what had taken place in my life for this whole year of 2007, I surprise myself by not having any remorse feelings what so ever which I normally would. Neither do I feel happy nor sad that this year has come to an end and is quickly being replaced by another new year. I felt nothing….. as if it is just another dull and normal day of mine. Perhaps I am numb of all those girlish feelings after gone through so many hardships for the many past years. Or perhaps I had run out of the fun, trill and excitement feelings after gone through so many emotional break downs on the previous years, and the year after, and the year after, and the year after, and the year after…..

One thing for sure, I had experienced something new, which is I almost encounter death due to suspected allergic reaction to penicillin type antibiotic that I took for my throat infection. Although my medical diagnosis was inconclusive at that time, however I must take precautions on what kind of medication that I take in the future. They should have order for an allergy test to be conducted to determine the diagnosis but they did not. That’s just how the quality of doctors we have in government/semi-government hospitals these days. I am keeping my plan on having a complete full allergy test on my own expense when I have enough funding. I heard that it is quite expensive having it done on private hospital lab or private clinical lab. Who knows what else I am now allergic to if I do not find out now until it is shows life threatening conditions.

Another thing when people think/talk about during end of the year is past achievements. Wow! “Achievement”. It is quite a big word. It could reflect concurred success, acknowledgement of job well done, presented or un-presented award, and pride. This word reminds me so much of the trouble I have to go through during past interview sessions, filling up resume and applications forms and during work assessment time. Enough of writer’s block and squeezing the brain juice just to come up with putting on my past achievements on paper for those judging on how much I worth to them for hire, I am now doing that again while reflecting on what I had achieved in year 2007 so that it could be written down here. Disappointedly, I could not think of anything big where I could write down for me to remember, be proud of and reminds me to continue to maintain such achievable standard for next year.

Last but not least, if I could not think of any big achievement that makes a huge impact to my life, then I could at least think of the new year resolutions right? Sigh, my heart is heavy burden by a lot of things. Hence I am not going to set any new goals but I do have a few in mind which has always been the same from the past unachievable goals. I had enough stress now already so adding on new year resolutions now is not really a good idea to me I think. I will just going to focus on the few important existing goals and carry forward to next year, and keeping my fingers cross that it would be achieved next year. I will just submit everything to God and trust that He will help me solve it in due time.

Well, the more I think of this end of year and new year kind of thing, I am beginning to feel more and more disappointed at myself and at the one close to me. So, I am just going to stop right here. Good bye 2007, and welcome 2008!